I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
