Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
