how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
