I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
