I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
