Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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