Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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