hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
