thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not ubering you a puppy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
