Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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