I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
