i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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