just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it hurts more in the daytime
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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