I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
