somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
