I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
