Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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