I feel like abortions should bother me more
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
