He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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