Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
