We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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