So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
