franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
