Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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