I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
