I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
