as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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