Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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