I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
