He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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