GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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