I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
