its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
