false alarm. still invincible.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
