my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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