I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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