And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
