Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
