I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Still dying that you shit outside
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
