Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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