There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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