I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
