Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
