Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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