When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
