and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
