piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
