Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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