We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
