One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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